Today’s tip is to be AWARE of the Comparison Fairy
I’m sure you’ve heard the quote by Theodore Rosevelt “Comparison is the thief of joy”. It’s true that comparing ourselves to others can lead us to feel inadequate, however it can also motivate us to achieve our goals.
In today’s episode of the Willpower Not Required Podcast I wanted to talk about that comparison fairy. Specifically I want to talk about when her fairy dust sprinkles us with negative feelings and when it inspires us to go after our goals.
Watch on YouTube or read below.
It’s human nature to compare ourselves to others. It is a behavior that has evolved to allow us to live together in groups and to learn from each other and grow as a society. Comparing ourselves against the people around us is actually a healthy part of identity formation when we are young. It helps us figure out where we stand with respect to our beliefs, preferences and attitudes.
Unfortunately when we compare what we perceive as negative aspects of ourselves or our lives with the contrasting positive aspects of others, we can be left feeling unhappy, inadequate and stuck.
There are actually three kinds of social comparison – Upward, Downward and Lateral
Upward comparison is when we compare ourselves with others who we believe are better than us in some way.
In contrast, downward comparison is when we compare ourselves to others who we see as being worse off.
Lateral social comparison is when we compare ourselves to someone we see as “equal” to us in many ways. This person is often a peer, as we tend to compare ourselves with others of the same age.
We innately know that there is a link between comparisons and unhappiness. We often feel inferior as a result of upward and lateral comparison. This shows up most often when we scroll through our social media feeds. We compare ourselves and our lives against that of celebrities, or the filtered, curated images of people we look up to.
So how can we avoid the compare and despair trap and allow that comparison fairy to sprinkle us with motivation and inspiration?
Here are a few tips:
Notice the triggers
When do those negative feelings pop up?
Do you find that you compare yourself in a negative way to specific people in your social media feeds? Does spending time with a specific person make you feel worse about yourself?
Once you discover what triggers you to feel ‘less than’ try to avoid them if possible. Unfollow or mute the accounts on social media or spend less time with those specific people. If that’s not possible, try to change your reaction to them. This leads me to tip number two
Change your mindset and reaction to comparison
Use it as motivation and inspiration.
How can you follow in their footsteps? Let others’ achievements serve as examples of where you want to go. Then decide what steps you can take to make it happen.
Also remind yourself that we all tend to put our best foot forward. We talk about the good things in our lives and tend to leave out the dirty details. Social media posts are often curated and filtered to show a nicer story than reality.
Practice gratitude
Focus on what you have and what your strengths are. Boost your own happiness.
Recent research actually suggests that unhappiness comes before comparison. People who have higher self-esteem and are generally happier tend to fare better with social comparisons. They experience a bigger bump in mood when using downward comparison and feel more inspired when using upward social comparisons.
Celebrate others more often
The next time you notice yourself feeling bad about someone else’s success, turn that self judgement into celebration and appreciation. You can express this appreciation to them directly but even just thinking it will shift your mood in a positive way. When you lift others up, you end up also lifting yourself up in the process.
Compare you with you
Spend more time comparing the current you with the past you. What have you gone through? How have you grown? What have you learned? Celebrate your successes. Focus on where YOU are at this moment and put forth YOUR best effort.
Accept your imperfections and know that we all have them. Your life is yours to make amazing.
So be aware of comparison and how it can be used for good and for evil. Surround yourself more often with positive people and positive messages. Use the success of others to inspire you to go out and achieve success in your own life. Willpower not required.
Are you looking for more tips to keep you motivated and on track to reach your goals, willpower not required? Listen to the podcast! Episodes are uploaded every Monday, Wednesday & Friday and are available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Pocket Casts and RadioPublic
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